In one of my chat groups we were recently talking about stigmas, and how difficult it can be to talk about eating disorders. As much as a like to think society has become more open about talking about these issues, there can still be a sense of shame or embarrassment around mental illnesses.
This may be one of the problems as to why treatment for Eating Disorders has not been the best, because if people speak up there are the thoughts of being identified, or of identifying their children's struggles, or worrying about what friends and loved ones will think, or because we're all just so dang exhausted from trying so hard to get help.
But I would like to change that, and hopefully make it easier to talk about these struggles so that we can all help and support each other, share stories, share advice, provide a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen. If we speak up without shame or fear we can ask for and demand better care. People with eating disorders deserve it.
It is a hard balance, there are many people struggling, and their feelings and experiences need to be taken into consideration, but I would love for people to start feeling better about talking about their struggles without shame. No one is alone in this.
In my latest online post, I talk about stigmas and about my own struggle with Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I never used to talk about my own anxiety or depression. Maybe partly because I didn't even understand I had a problem initially, and partly because it was uncomfortable to talk about and I was worried about being judged.
But when I started to open up more about my struggles, I met other people with the same struggles. We could then support each other and exchange advice, and more importantly understand that we were not alone. That all humans struggle. We all have our own problems to some degree, big or small. We are all weird or different in our own way. That is what makes the world beautiful.
I learned to accept myself over time. I hated myself growing up and was so self-conscious. But as I got older and wiser I learned it is okay to be me. It is okay to be imperfect. It is okay to be weird. It is okay to have struggles. It is okay to say or do the wrong things sometimes. It is okay to make mistakes (and learn from them!). This is part of life, and it's normal.
As I mentioned in the video, I found my freedom by accepting that I cannot make everyone happy. I pictured myself in a room of 100 people. And naturally, every single person would have their own opinion about me; about the way I look, smell, talk, act, etc. But if I changed my appearance to please person 1, then had to change it again to please person 2, then person 3, etc, I would no longer be me. It would be impossible to change 100 times for 100 different people.
When I realised this, that changing myself in order to please other people was a way of being controlled by other people, I knew that I could be free. I could accept myself as I am. I cannot change for every person who is unhappy with me, because someone will always be unhappy with me. I need to be happy with myself. I need to be comfortable in my own skin.
Some days I still struggle with this- I am human- but I am much lighter in my life, take things less seriously, and feel the burden lift when I know it is okay to just be me.
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