There are many different stages of recovery There is no set timeline for how long recovery takes. It could be weeks, months, or years. It will take patience, many ups and downs, and unlimited hope for your loved one.
While my daughter made small progresses over the span of a year, her true recovery started when she was discharged from hospitals and inpatient units, and came back home.
A lot of Eating Disorder sufferers tend to have perfectionist tendencies, and can be frustrated when recovery is not quick. I often had to remind my daughter that there is no instant fix, that Eating Disorders are complex, and that there is no set timeline. Recovery takes as long as it takes, and as long as it needs. These reminders helped take the extra pressure of time off the table.
In the recovery process, your loved one will start learning to have a healthier relationship with food by learning to find their own voice, and gain confidence and acceptance for who they are. They will need a significant amount of patience, love, and support.
After hospitalisation, we encouraged a phased return to school, but it was too much too soon. She is home about four months now and not back in school yet, but focusing on recovery and stability is more important at the moment.
We enjoy spending time at home together binge-watching Netflix, going for small walks, playing video games, going shopping, and cooking and baking.
We recently started doing new activities to try and rediscover things that she might like. We joined a Pilates class together. We went on Cú Chulainn in Emerald Park for the first time. She travelled to Italy and England for the first time.
All of these steps help her learn new things and grow in confidence.
As mentioned in Part II, I went on Carer's Benefit to enable me to stay home with her more. I do think this has hugely helped with her recovery, because I can spot when she is lapsing or relapsing, and work with it straight away.
It is very common to be doing okay for a while, and then have a set back. Okay and setback, okay and setback. One step forward, two steps back.
The main thing is to be aware of when this is happening is not to lose hope, and to go back to the basics. The little things I found that helped are:
CAMHS visits. She gets on well with her team and it helps when she sees them. If we are ever concerned we can call to make additional appointments.
Make an appointment to readjust medications if necessary.
Going back to the meal plan when needed. We got to a place we could be flexible with it, but when setbacks occur, it is important to start over again, and see it written in black and white.
Planning meals ahead of time takes a lot of stress out of the situation.
Have a set meal schedule so everyone knows what to expect.
Have a supportive but honest conversation with your loved one that you recognise Eating Disorder behaviours are taking place.
Acknowledge that you can see they are struggling, remind them you know they are struggling, but that they are brave, strong, and loved, and that you will not let them go back to the hospital, if they have been there.
Spend more time together, and make sure to spend time on yourself as well. You cannot help someone when you are not well yourself.
Saying things like this are honest and so deeply important. It reminds them that you can see they are struggling even when trying, and that you still notice and care. They need constant reassurance that you are in their corner, that you will fight the fight with them -and it is a fight for their life- and that you understand where they are at. They need to know you have not given up on them.
Communication is so important always, but especially during recovery. Be willing to have those difficult conversations.
There is absolutely nothing more satisfying in the world than seeing your child bounce back from a lapse or a relapse and continue down the path of recovery. To see a higher percentage of them, and a lower percentage of the disorder that is not them.
Did you notice this entire blog post I have not talked much about food? While weight restoration is of course vital to recovery and healthier thinking, weight is not the underlying cause of an eating disorder. It is the way someone thinks and feels. This is why it is so important to me that the body and mind are treated hollistically as one when it comes to Eating Disorders. Physical health needs to be preserved, but the underlying mental health work needs to go with it.
I asked my daughter if she had any advice, since I am posting from the perspective of a carer. This is her top three pieces of advice for those suffering and in recovery:
Have the portion you are meant to, but divide it into smaller parts (ie. divide a sandwich into quarters instead of half). This makes it more manageable because it feels like you are eating less when you are not.
Count "1, 2, 3" in your head, and on 3 put the fork into your mouth. Then you're more focused on getting to number 3 than the food.
Buy the right size clothes that actually fit. Don't try to squeeze into your old clothes.